Everything I Need To Know in Life I Learned from Edgar A. Poe
10. Never bet the devil your head. If you do, don't be surprised when the devil causes you to lose your head "accidentally." How transcendental!
9. If you run out of murder suspects, blame the ape and a straight razor. No one will see it coming, but the best part is that an ape can't technically be charged with a crime.
8. When you're desperate whilst adrift at sea, suggesting that one must die to preserve the lives of the others will leave you as the one cannibalized by your friends. Call it karma.
7. Nothing is worse than being caught between a rock and a hard place... except for being caught between a pit and a pendulum. In those cases, any attempts at escape are probably just a ploy that your captors expected you to follow like a script... just hope that someone else will save your ass.
6. Art imitates life. Or vice versa.
5. Love at first sight really does exist - albeit somewhat ironically.
4. Sometimes in life, you'll realize that everyone around you is crazy, as if the inmates have taken over the asylum.
3. No matter how you try to hide it and act casual, your guilt will always come back to haunt you - especially if you're cocky about the whole thing.
2. Nothing is worse than cruelty to animals - except, maybe, domestic abuse and homicide.
1. You can bare a thousand injuries - but when someone ventures upon insult, vow revenge. For subtle humor, try to find a time when your victim is wearing a clown outfit and get him trashed.
Happy April Fool's Day!